Monday, November 30, 2009

Cat Power

When I got home from work my cat decided to follow me around the house, punching me.
I told her to go away and now she's looking all pissed off like I was the one who did something wrong.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Moobies

Doubling up today because of my lack of recent posting.

For the first time in a long time (years,) I haven't seen any of the movies currently playing.
Probably because I've done nothing but work and sleep for the last week.
BUT
I'm still going to review some of the more entertaining looking ones.
(Keep in mind that I have NOT seen any of these films and am forming an opinion based of trailers and my general ability to bullshit.)

Blind Side:
When a homeless teen is taken in by Sandra Bullock's retarded southern cousin, he learns how to love. This movie is full of sports metaphors for sex. This builds to an exciting climax (get it?) in which homeboy cums hard in Sandra Bullocks mouth after winning the Big Game. Jesse James makes a small cameo in the epic blowjob scene, as he can be seen furiously masturbating in the corner. I rate this movie as a must-see, but wait until DVD release so you can turn the volume off.

2012:
Apocalyptic sci-fi thriller 2012 follows John Cusack as he frantically looks for work. After his agent tells him that his career will be over unless he gets at least one major role by 2012, Cusack converts to scientology and adopts some children, eventually checking into rehab hoping to get noticed. As the days pass, the Earth begins deteriorating. The mountains begin to break off and fall into the sea, every volcano on the planet erupts simultaneously, and I rent High Fidelity for the 600th time. This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat.

The Men Who Stare At Goats:
The title says it all. For two hours and 10 minutes, you will see men staring at goats. No dialogue. Skip unless you're into goats...or men.

Planet 51:
An American astronaut travels to planet 51, thinking he is the first one to step foot on the planet's surface. He soon finds out how wrong he is, as he is challenged by the REAL first man to step foot on the planet: The Rock. The two agree to a no holds barred match, falls count anywhere. The winner of the match will be allowed to claim himself as the ultimate ruler of Planet 51. The fight starts out pretty evenly, until The Rock is slid a steel chair by some space-honeys. Two rock bottoms and a people's elbow later, The Rock raises his hand (and eyebrow) as the champion. He then blasts off in homeboy's rocket, leaving him there to train for a rematch. Total tear-jerker of a picture. I squirted a few drops when The Rock delivered the last line of the flick "If you smeeeeeeeeellllll what the ROCK is COOKIN'" 3.5 stars.

iPod Maintenence

Doing some iPod upkeep today.
Tried to put the new Jenny Owen Youngs album on yesterday and had no room, so I'm going through and getting rid of the shit I don't need to make room for awesome.

Like, "wow, why do I have New Found Glory on here?"
and
"I'm never going to listen to Of Montreal, can take that off."

It's pretty entertaining, but also embarrassing at the same time.
Both because of what I used to listen to, and because of what I now listen to.

Definite plus:
Got rid of enough disgusting punk to put The Lion King soundtrack on.
Now when I hold up my friend's kittens like Simba I'll be able to fully orchestrate the event.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Sleepaway Camp

If you've never seen this movie...
you have to see this movie.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Allison Weiss

I think by now it's pretty obvious that I like awesome girl singers.
This is my latest discovery, and she has tons of great videos on youtube.

Friday, November 20, 2009

MMM Commentaries

I love commentary.
Every time I get a DVD, I always listen to every commentary track.

That being said, I found out about a fad where people do fan-commentaries on movies and tv shows they like.
So I googled it and clicked on the first site that came up, listening to a commentary they did on the pilot episode of Futurama.

It was just 2 british dudes doing a straight, dry, joke-less commentary.
They're all like "and now we see Leela, who you might recognize as being voiced by Katey Sagal."
OMG dude. You're doing a FAN COMMENTARY. Make a couple dick jokes.

Why would anybody listen to people who had nothing to do with the show, describe what's happening on the show?

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I Still Love You Macho Man Randy Savage

After extensive research, I've discovered that Macho Man Randy Savage is actually a crazy old man.

If you're unaware, Macho Man Randy Savage is a championship wrestler, slim jim spokesman, and my personal childhood hero.



After watching the first Spiderman movie (for the 100th time) I thought, "Dude HAS to still be around, where is that fool?"
Shit, Hulk Hogan is still active in TNA, and Macho Man is a million times better than him.
But the most recent bit of activity I could find from him was his horrible rap album. (along with a curious video of 50 Cent hyping him.)



So I went to his website and found a slew of videos of him in the gym, ranting about how he wants to take Stephanie McMahon "around the block" and calling out Hulk Hogan. When he isn't posting retarded shoot promos about people who don't even remember he exists, he's unsuccessfully attempting to get girls to send him n00dz. Really?

When did Randy Savage turn into a joke?
Tosh.0Thursdays at 10pm / 9c
"Macho Man" Randy Savage
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption2 Girls, 1 Cup ReactionDemi Moore Picture


I totally idolized this dude when I was a kid.
Epic fail.



...at least I'll always have the memories of elbow drops and fringed jackets.
You know, from back in the day.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I Officially Win At Twitter

I've been real neglectful of this blog as of late.
If this were a kid, it would have already been ripped away from me and given to a young church-going couple who don't do cop-out one liner posts.

I've been wrapped up in two things lately:
1) Hockey
2) My comic book

First off, hockey.
I've loved hockey for a while, but never followed a team or watched more than a couple games per season until this year, just because I didn't want to become "that sports guy."
You know the guy.
He says things like, "We really need to step up our defense if we expect to make it to the playoffs." and wears t-shirts to promote whatever year his team won the big game.
But fuck it man. Hockey games are fun to watch, and I love the Devils.
Which brings me to my point...
New Jersey Devils leading goal-scorer Zach Parise follows me on twitter now.
I win.

Distraction number two.
My comic book.
It's getting drawn and I'm super pumped about it. No doubt I'll be posting some sketches (or maybe even a full page or two) on here soon.
Some details: It's a 48 page legit stapled comic (6.625" x 10.25") with full color cover and b&w pages.
It was written by me (Brandon Koss) with art done by Brittany Schneider.
All I'll say about the story is that it's about Bizarro World and it's awesome.
Buy it.

To be as cool as Zach Parise, and help me win an intense twitter battle with @itsfran, follow me on twitter twitter.com/strictlygame

Friday, November 13, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

This Time Next Year

I hope to be a published comic book writer living in Toronto, pulling a flask out of my boots as I head to a Leafs/Devils game with a cute indie girl.

Now I just have to make it happen.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Social Interview

The social interview app on facebook just asked me what I would do if I switched genders for the day.

I think the obvious answer is "I would play with myself. A lot."
Didn't publish that to my wall though, mostly because I have family members on my friends list.
But also because I know one of my friends would comment with "You already do that." thinking they're real clever.

Monday, November 9, 2009

100th Post

This is my 100th post on this blog.
You'd think I'd use it to hype something, or maybe do a 'best of,' or just a classy '100th Post!' graphic...
But no.

Pimping the twitter.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Post # 99

There's too many mutha'ukas 'ukan with my shi'.

Friday, November 6, 2009

Embarassing Thought Of The Day: 11/06

Miley looks real hot in this video.
and I like this song.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Personal Vendetta

When people tell me they liked the movie Paranormal Activity, I take it as a personal attack.
I saw the movie when it first came out, and have been campaigning hard against it ever since, telling everyone I see about its overall shittyness.
But people still fucking throw down on that movie, like it's on some blockbuster shit.

This abomination has grossed $84,627,372 domestically.
It only cost $15,000 to make.
WHAT THE FUCK!
It's nothing but a well-marketed Blair Witch.

Don't encourage these assholes to continue to make movies!

Luckily, Micah got killed off at the end, so nobody will have to suffer through his terrible acting if they make a sequel.
Crossing my fingers in hopes that doesn't happen.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Footwear Necessities

Need:
Cowboy Boots
Flask
Whiskey

Step 1: Put on boots.
Step 2: Pour whiskey into flask.
Step 3: Slide flask into boots.
Step 4: Start your day.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Twitter Break: Over

Just broke my 75 day protest of twitter.
But this doesn't mean I approve of twitter.


http://twitter.com/strictlygame